I was diagnosed with PCOS when i was 19 and i am now 25 and i feel that alot of my dissapointments in life all fall back on PCOS.
When i was i high school, i began noticing that i had hair on my chin, which back thin was just very thin blonde fuzzies that has now developed into a dark manly beard, if i don’t shave daily.I also had very normal periods throughout high school, which i know now was because i was on birth control.After graduating, i had stopped taking the birth control and after a couple months, i stopped having periods.So,i FREAKED out.
I just knew i was pregnant.I went to the Dr. and that’s when i was diagnosed. A couple of years went by and besides the depression,tremendous weight gain, facial hair, and chest hair,things had been ok.Then in 2007, during my regular PAP, my dr. found cancerous cells.So, i had to have a D&C.(To me, the biopsy was much worse than the D&C.)I continued going to the Gyno every 6 months and everything was ok.Then last year, my husband and i decided that we wanted to start trying to conceive. I had heard that there was a Dr. in Huntsville AL, that was relly experienced in PCOS.So, that where i went.
And of course, she told me that the best thing to do was to lose weight by going on the carb diet and exercising.So, i started the diet, lost 20 pounds, just to gain it back.
Then the beginning of this year, i figured i would do the New Years thing and try it again.My sister-in-law did the diet with me and everyday we would exercise together.She got pregnant.I didn’t.Of course, i was happy for her, but at the same time, it was like a slap in the face for me.So, of course, i gained my weight back.In April, i decided, i am not giving up, i’m gonna keep trying.
So, i go back to the Dr., she put me on Metformin and from the day i started until two weeks ago, i had lost 25 pounds.And i had a menstrual cycle in April and in May.June comes and i don’t have a cycle and i had began having lower back pain.My first thought is that i am pregnant.Nope come to find out, i have a hemoglyphic cyst on my right ovary.They tell me that sex or exercise will cause the pain to increase.So, needless to say, i have gained 7 pounds of the 25 that i had lost back.I feel that it is never ending.
As if the depression and feeling like a huge, hairy, gross monster isn’t enough!!! My mama keeps telling me to keep my faith and to keep trying and that she really believes that it will happen and i love that she feels that way and i am so thankful that she pulls me out of my doubts but, i just don’t know how much more i can keep believing.
I believe in God and i have Faith in God but, then sometimes i think, well, maybe his plan for me is not to have a child.But, i just can’t see my future without having a child.I want to be a mother more than anything in this world!!!! So, i am begging, anyone with ANY advice at all….PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!
Want to connect with me? My name is Honeyhunt on the SoulCysters Message Board.