I was diagnosed in 2006 as having PCOS…I was 19 years old and am almost 25 now.
My curiosity as to why I wasnt having periods normally and why I was so overweight despite my attempts at dieting and exercise is what pushed me to find out what was wrong. I had no idea what PCOS was, but my doctor suggested that I get an ultrasound to confirm her suspicions. She didnt tell me a lot about it except that “it is a major cause in infertility in women” which horrified me because I knew at some point that I wanted to be a mother. The appointment for my ultrasound was made and I recieved the results soon after.
I had “a bunch” of little polyps on my ovaries. I dont know too much about PCOS still, but I constantly do research. I’ve not tried any medications and I’ve not been to a doctor about my PCOS since I was diagnosed almost 6 years ago. All I know is that the things I deal with on a daily basis are getting to me worse than ever.
I got with my husband back in 2009 and was married in 2010. He knows about my PCOS, but doesnt know all of the horrible symptoms and what I do to manage them.
What sparked my interest in joining this forum was what happened to me last night. I had just finished getting myself “fixed” up because my husband was coming home. We sat down on the couch to watch a movie and I ran my fingers through my hair. I noticed that at the top of my head my hair felt extremely thin.
I messed with it for a few moments to sort of confirm it to myself and I built up the courage to ask my husband. (He doesnt know about all of the other symptoms that I have besides my inability to get pregnant and my abnormal periods and acne issues) I asked him if my hair looked thin in that particular spot…he never freaks out about anything medical.
And when he saw it he said “Baby your hair is very very thin here, what is doing this to you? We have to get you into a doctor.” I felt the tears come…I was hoping that he would say that it looked normal and everything was okay, but I had felt it myself and I knew that wasnt the case. I told him that my PCOS was to blame for this and that was it.
We didnt talk much about it. He just told me to make an appointment with a doctor and he will help me take care of the rest. I didnt know what to think. My mind was filled with the notion that I was losing my hair. I still feel this way this morning.
I’ve dealt with the symptoms of PCOS for quite a while now. The extra hair, the acne, the weight gain for no apparent reason, the depression, the anxiety, the daily fear of being in direct sunlight…I’ve dealt with intense pain from my periods, the cramping, the embarassment of taking my clothes off. I cant be normal. I cant be who I want to be. For once I want to wake up in the morning and not have to “fix” my PCOS.
I dont want to have to spend 20 minutes making sure that my face, chest, tummy, and neck are smooth. I want to go to bed at night without having to worry that hes going to feel something that he doesnt like. I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
I already suffer from depression and intense bouts of anxiety and my PCOS has made it worse over the years. I know there isnt a cure for it. I know there isnt a way to make it just go away. I know that it can be managed.
But I get so tired of having to manage this. While alot of people wish to be rich, gorgeous, extremely intelligent…I just wish for once that I could be normal and have a normal body. My husband doesnt understand why I’m so depressed and filled with anxiety. I want to show this to him…but I cant. I never can. I’m too embarassed of my PCOS. I’m too embarassed of myself.
I get back on insurance at the beginning of January and I’m going to make an appointment and hopefully get put on Metformin. I’ve heard success stories about it reducing the amount of cysts and polyps on the ovaries and enabling women to get pregnant. I feel like I shouldnt have hope, but I’m crossing my fingers that this works for me.
Sorry for ranting, but…I have nobody to talk to about this. I know nobody where I live at all besides my in-laws and I cant speak to them about this. I’ve never felt so alone. =/
Want to connect with me? My name is Jessica_Phillips on the SoulCysters Message Board.