Hi Everyone,

I just celebrated the 1st birthday of my daughter yesterday and today began thinking about trying for baby #2. The mere thought of trying brings forth all sorts of conflicting emotions.

My daughter is a miracle. DH and I spent three years trying to get pregnant. After coming off the pill in February 2004, I thought I was pregnant in May 2004. My period was nearly two weeks late. After taking a negative pregnancy test, AF arrived. I was devastated and confused…and in denial that anything was wrong. In fact, I waited 18 months before seeing a doctor. Stupid me.

Up until October 2005, I had been seeing my general practitioner for “female stuff.” But after a year and a half of highly irregular periods (cycles ranging from 28 to 42 days), I sought the advice of an expert.

I was diagnosed with PCOS and schedule for an HSG, just to make sure my tubes were okay. They were and we began Clomid. Three cycles and none of them effective. Time to see a fertility specialist.

I called CNY Fertility (Dr. Kiltz is AMAZING!!) and was told I would have to wait six months. Persistence paid off (I called weekly to check for cancellations) and I got in after only three months. I was mid-cycle, so we decided to try fertility drugs and AI right away. I had hope. But that didn’t last long. I did not get pregnant that round or any of the other three times we tried AI. And in between all of these cycles, I had a laparoscopy and ovarian drilling, as well as a second HSG, which indicated there might be a blockage in one of my tubes.

Thank GOD for a New York State grant that helped us pay for IVF. I, like many (most!) had no IVF coverage in my insurance policy. I underwent aggressive drug treatment and produced nearly two dozen eggs. At harvesting, 11 survived. After fertilization there were 7. We had two embryos implanted and did everything the doctor ordered, including acupuncture.

Two weeks later, I was spotting. My appointment for a blood test was on a Monday and I couldn’t wait through the weekend. I took a home test and saw the slightest indicator that I was pregnant. Monday’s visit confirmed it. But my progesterone levels were low, so it was time for MORE injections, this time more painful than ever before! We went back again on Tuesday to monitor HCG levels, and they looked good. Same with Wednesday.

Wednesday afternoon my DH and I boarded a plane for a long-planned trip to see my family in California. In the air, I started bleeding profusely. I was so scared.

The next morning, I told my dad, “I’m pregnant, but I think I’m losing the baby.” Then I went to a local hospital and had bloodwork done. They called it in to my doctor, who in turn told me that my HCG had dropped and things didn’t look good.

Friday, I went to my mom’s. Same story, “Mom, I’m pregnant, but I think I’m losing the baby.” Off to yet another hospital for more bloodwork. Had to wait until Saturday morning for the results. HCG had gone back up, but new fears…possible tubal pregnancy. All we could do was sit and wait until it was time to go home on Monday. Then we would see the doctor again. It was an eternity.

The visit to our fertility doctor proved positive. HCG levels had continued rising, and an ultrasound showed an egg sac, which was not at all expected. Regular monitoring over the next few days indicated we were on our way to having a baby. Not too long after — and earlier than usual — we saw a heartbeat.

To this day we don’t know what happened. In my heart, I think we lost the second baby. Sometimes it makes me sad, but I am so thankful for the little girl I do have in my life.

I had a wonderful pregnancy (though I did have to do progesteron injections for quite some time). I loved being pregnant. Delivery wasn’t ideal (had to be induced, then ended up with a c-section), but Thanksgiving Day 2007 was definitely a day to be thankful. Thankfully, my PCOS didn’t ruin my chances to breastfeed, though milk production wasn’t ever my strength. We stayed with it for 8 months — 2 months longer than my goal but about 4 months shorter than I would have liked — and I am so thankful I had that opportunity to bond with my baby.

Now my little girl is a year old and I am strongly thinking about having a second baby. I don’t think my husband has any idea. We’re not ready just yet. I really think we should wait until next summer. But what if I have trouble again? The whole ordeal of trying to get pregnant was so tough on us the first time around and I don’t want to strain our relationship like that again. We do have 5 frozen embryos still, so that gives me some hope, but there is no way we will go through the full IVF cycle again — we simply can’t afford to.

So, that’s my story. Good luck to all you cysters trying to get pregnant! I hope and pray for all of you!

Want to connect with me? My name is lwalter on the SoulCysters Message Board.