So im pretty sure im over-due on time to start making a change.

Its been 9 months since ive gotten my period and I dont have any health insurance, My mom left my dad wont help me, I live with my Boyfriend we’ve Been trying to have a baby for a whole year almost and nothing..

I find myself in tears all the time but its not like i can just give up. Ive tried working out and drinking lots of water.. Nothing. I am going to try this all again but im still stuck in the doctor part. I dont know where to go, i scheduled an appointment at the health clinic for birth control. i figured itd be the easiest way to contain this but im scared of the side effects. I know this wont ever go away.. Everyone around me is getting married and having children,Or even having abortions.. It’s ripping my emotions apart.

I find myself in mood swings all the time,angry at my boyfriend who i know is wanting to propose but i keep pushing him further away, he always thinks im mad at him but i feel so alone and worthless.
I feel disgusting.

The hair ive grown on my neck and face are just disgusting.

I feel ugly.

ive gained 20 pounds in 2 months and that was my weight 4-5 months ago… I dont even want to think about what it could be now.

Nobody around me knows how painful this is.. To feel like my only dream is crushed.
Both of my sisters have children.

What about me?

I hate to cry about all of this especially in my first post. I just want to give up. Not care anymore, Ruin all my chances of becoming a modeled citizen. i just want to let go of responsibility.

Want to connect with me? My name is ZombieApple on the SoulCysters Message Board.