hello ladies… let me just warn you THIS IS LOOOONG!!! but it explains how i got to where i am now

well as stated above, i’m a newbie to this site. my name is s-j and i am 29 years old. i started my periods when i had just turned 12 years old. they have never been regular, sometimes i have been 9 months without one, sometimes i’d have 2 in a month…

but the pain was usually every month without fail. i’ve missed days from school back in my secondary school days, and days off work in my adult years. was put on the pill hen i was 14 to ‘regulate’ my periods, which made me put on a good few stone which i’ve never been able to lose, then due to my weight and family pre exisiting health issues such as weight also and smoking and high blood pressure, i was taken off the pill by my dr (combined pill) and put on the mini pill.

after 3 months of being on the mini pill my periods stopped altogether. the dr did state this can be an effect of the mini pill. i was tried on severall diff pills but i was fed up with still having no period and being more overweight than i was before i started birth control pills. i had a lot of stress in my life from around 18 onwards; my boyfriend at the time i was 18, whom himself was 28, comitted suicide and this left me depressed myself, suicidal and a complete mess, on medication and meds for this depression til about 3 years ago.

i was finally diagnosed with PCOS in 2002, after my many years of trying to tell drs that something clearly wasn’t right, and them finally agreeing to send me to Gynae for tests. i had the classic ‘string of pearls’- i could even see them myself on my ultrasound. i was told my hormone levels were more male than female which was causing probs with me ovulating and menses, and that i was insulin resistant. i was also told i needed to lose weight, but that they would put me on metformin to help with my insulin issues and help lower my weight.

The metformin made me very sick. i have IBS and the metformin, even 8 weeks after starting treatment, had me stuck on the loo with the trotts every 5 minutes. i got switched to the Glucophage XR tablets and these did not ease the situation much at all. the consultant said to keep at them for 6 months then we’d discuss it at out next meeting/appointment. i was also to be checked for endometriosis… this was meant to be set up at next appointment apparently.

well 6 months came, and when i went to my appointment, my cons wasnt there. i was being seen by a junior, who didnt even have my notes. i explained aboout the meds, so he lowered my dosage from 1500 mg to 1000 mg and told me ‘you need to get some weight off’ and to come back again in 6 months.

i was at a loss, i felt helpless that bothing was being done but thought they must know what theyre doing because theyre the professionals… right? oh, and myt endo checks would be looked into at next appointment also…. yet this is what they said last time!

the same crap went on for another 6 months,, in that time i’d had one period, whether i ovualted or not, who knows?!

so, i went to my appointment, and guess what?! a junior attends to me again telling me my consultant is ‘unavailable’ (yet again). as long as i was being seen by someone who knew what they were on about then i couldnt care less who i saw tbh.

but low and behold, within minutes of ‘flicking’ through my notes (what there were of them), the dr had left the room and gone to the room next door. i (and my partner at the time) both heard him then go in the room next door and start speakingn to someone (another dr) about my condition and notes, and that i was meant to be tested for endo issues and that the met was causing some issues with my IBS.

(Let me just state that in our room was a door that connected it to the room next door, so hearing what was being sAid next door was pretty easy!)

anyway it then went quiet for a moment… then my partner and i clearly heard the dr that my dr was speaking to….. he said ‘it’s simple… tell her to go away and lose some weight. look at her height vs weight on here’ (he must have been on about my notes) ‘she’s too fat, we can’t do anything for her because she’s too fat’…

i’m sure you can imagine how infuriated i was to hear this, and my then partner wasn’t very impressed either. my dr came back int he room, somehow i managed to bite my tongue without saying anything re what i’d heard. he said ‘well we’re going to stop the metformin and suggest that you go away and lose some weight. if your periods are still an issue in 6 months to a years theb you can ask your dr to re refer you’.

i was speachless at first. i asked if anything had suddenly changed re my diagnosis etc. i was told no, that i definately had insulin resistant PCOS and my hormone levels were unstable, but without me losing weight there was nothing they could do to help me. i tried to explain that i can’t lose the weight by myself, if i could i would have already, it’s not like i hadn’t been trying most of my life. looking and feeling the way i did and still do has destroyed much of my life (overweight, huge apple belly bigger than rest of me, feeling anything but feminine, and scared beyond belief for all my life since about 14 that i can’t have kids, because ‘something’ has always told me i can’t).

well the weight is still here and the PCOS of course! that was 7 years ago. me and my partner from then are no longer together, and since then i have been in a 2 year relationship in which i was subjected to much violence, both mentally and physically. it made me question everyone and everything by the time i was rescued from that situation by police and support workers, and the last thing i wanted or thought i would ever have in my life after that is a partner that said he loves me and actually meat it. i no longer trusted ANYONE enough to believe that.
but. blieve it or not, i did meet someone, after a little time with myself and soeting my head and life out…. and i met the most caring sincere man that you could hope to meet. he is so mature about life! we have been together a while now, and on new years day just turned midnight he proposed to me, and i said yes!

we have spoken many a time about my fetility issues and about the PCOS and what happened when i last say a Gynae. i told him i would get registered with a dr where he lives (as i moved in with him) and would see if they would try me on metformin again.

so i got registered, but when they got my notes through, there was no sign of any notes or suggestion anywhere in my records that i had ever been diagnosed with pcos!!! i was told that they couldnt prescibe me metofrmin without this info and that i may possibly need to be tested all over again/scans etc, the works!

they said this isn’t right, so my dr write to the health authority to see if they could track all my notes from my ex gynae 200 miles away.

all we want now is to start a family. we have been trying, and so far i am 18 dpo, so i did a test about an hour ago. negative. i knew it would be, but i wanted it so much to be a BFP npt a BFN!!! my heart has secretly broken again as i’ve had BFN’s before in my lifetime. my fiance simply said ‘i knew you wouldn’t be anyway’. i asked him what he meant, i mean, how could he know? (even though i knew exactly ehat he meant… he thinks like i do, that i’m baron, or at least thats what it seems he thinks). it was just a little too much for me to deal with… it’s enough feeling like my body is a complete failure myself, but then having your partner confirm your feelings in not so many words doesn’t help you, espcially when you’ve just had a BFN!

sooooo… i’m off to the dr tomorrow. apparently all my notes have now arrived. i’m just hoping that includes the ones from the gynae re my pcos diagnosis.

i want to ask you ladies out there, what do you think i should ask for? firstly test wise (as its been 7 yrs since any tests any my symptoms are worse not better) and what should i ask for medication wise? i’d rather get on the metformin and clomid straight away together as we are trying for a baby at present and i want anything to help our chances of conceiving.

once again, sorry this has been so long, but once i started typing it just all flowed from there!

any help would be greatly appreciated. i have finally found happiness in my life and someone that truely loves me. all i have every yearned for is a child since i can remember… i don’t know how to describe it but it;s something inside that just eats away at me, kinds screaming at me at how much i crave a child. my fiancw is also extremely eager to have children together. anything that can help me or our chances of getting pregnant would be appreciated, and any tips on what to ask for re tests and meds and who i ask re nhs would be greatly appreciated also.


Want to connect with me? My name is *living in hope* on the SoulCysters Message Board.