Wow, I just came across this site through google. Reading the other introduction posts on here feels like I’m reading incidents from my own life.
I started my period when I was 12. Rather than a normal monthly cycle, I spotted for months at a time. This went on for several years. I am dark haired and super pale. I began to develop lots and lots of body and facial hair right about this time. I spent a lot of time as a teenager dealing with the thick hair on my face, arms, legs and body. When I hit puberty, the hair didn’t stop with my pubes, it began to grow on my buttocks, stomach and breasts. I got teased like crazy and my mom would not let me start shaving until I was well into my teenage years. Kids used to sing “hairy woman, walkin’ down the street” to me in school.
I also developed cystic acne on my back, but weirdly not on my face. When I was 14, my mom took me to the family doctor who put me on birth control pills. The birth control pills did regulate my periods, but also made me gain quite a bit of weight. The Dr. had no idea what was wrong with me and his ominous words still ring in my ears, “you will probably have difficulty getting pregnant when you get older.”
I quit taking birth control pills when I was 18, just to give my body a break. I did not have a period at all for 2 years. I did lose weight and weighed about 140 lbs. I wasn’t an athlete and did not have an eating disorder, my body just quit menstruating. I want to a gynecologist at my college health center at this time who was concerned about my lack of menstruation, but said that hormone testing was “too expensive.” She put me on a medication (I unfortunately cannot remember what it was) that forced my body to have a period. After that I had a period once ever couple of months. This went on for a few more years.
Then, when I was 23, to my surprise, I got pregnant and had a miscarriage. My periods afterwords were still irregular and would happen every 40-60 days. I’d usually start bleeding without notice. I got pregnant again at 24 and had another miscarriage.
Since then until now, it has been the same highly irregular cycle. I’m currently 37 and am seeing a gyno who diagnosed me with PCOS. I’ve got borderline high blood pressure that I’m trying to control with diet and exercise. Earlier this year, I spent nearly $500 on laser hair reduction treatments on my face and I still sport a stubbly little ‘stache and goatee. Yes, I kept going back for treatments. I’ve had 4 and can’t tell a difference. I should have spent the money on shoes. My gyno says I’m one of her more unusual PCOS patients because I’m not overweight, I weigh between 138-142 and I’m 5’6.”
So, at the ripe old age of 37, my biological clock has starting ringing like crazy. I really want to have a baby. I am now happily married and have been with my husband for 8 years. He would really like to have a baby too. He thinks I’m hot, by the way. He’s a hairy dude and is not grossed out/shocked by my body hair (although I do keep it fairly well groomed). I talked to my gyno about this and she said to start taking prenatal vitamins and trying to conceive the old fashioned way for 6 months and then come back to see her and she’d talk to me about Clomid.
Well, it’s been 6 months of “trying” and nothing. I bought one of those little spit scopes that supposedly help detect ovulation and it does seem like there are a few days in every cycle when I am “ferning”/ovulating. My cycles tend to be around 40 to 50 days. It is possible that I’m not ovulating at all, but I sometimes physically feel like I might be. It is time to go back to my Gyno and talk to her. I’ve heard mixed reviews about Clomid. One of my friends suggests giving accupuncture a try, but I’m skeptical.
I want a baby so bad that it hurts. I see parents out in public being mean to their kids of ignoring them and it infuriates me. I read in the news about crackheads and idiots abusing and exploiting their children and it seems sooo freaking unfair. It’s especially hard during the holidays. I’m at the age where almost all of my friends and family have kids. They all have their family traditions. Christmas just doesn’t feel like Christmas without having kids to celebrate with, you know? Same with Halloween and Easter. Sigh. I went on Zoloft earlier this year because I feel myself sinking more and more into a feeling-sorry-for-myself place. It helps, a bit.
So, do any of you have advice for me or things I should ask my gyno about? I’ll be checking out this board to read about other board members experiences with Clomid.
Glad I found this place, makes me feel like I’m not out here all alone, shaking my fist at the universe!
Want to connect with me? My name is bonitaapplebum on the SoulCysters Message Board.
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