PCOS and Struggles With Pregnancy : Cannot Hear About Other People’s Kids!

I have had quite a journey with PCOS, June 2008 I went to the dr and explained that I had missed a period while on the pill…

I was planning to go off of it the next month anyway, but I was still concerned and knew I was not that .1 or 1 % that was pregnant while on the pill…

Anyway my family dr said my symptoms, no period, acne, and about 35lb weight gain/year and some minor hair growth i.e. knuckles, toes, chin, sounded like I had PCOS and scheduled me an ultrasound at the hospital he was associated with. I never knew what it was before this so of course I went home and researched the hell out of it! Before I knew it, it was time for my ultrasound which was very uncomfortable I might add. Oh! and the doc took some blood…

So a few days later the dr calls and said I DO NOT have PCOS and that my blood work was fine…and pretty much sent me on my way and said good luck getting pregnant. Well if only the dr knew the kind of luck I have. So winter went by and I still was not getting a period after being off the pill for four or five months. It was my last semester of school so mind was everywhere and not really focused on fertility.

So january came and my DH and I were getting more serious about having a baby…not that we werent serious before, we just knew we were not getting pregnant on our own so we knew we needed to crack down and get further help. So I scheduled a Gyne appointment for my yearly pap and to discuss my issues. He did some blood work and also gave me provera. He scared me by saying that if the provera does not induce a period that I might have a tumor on my pituitary gland! yikes!!! well, thankfully, the provera worked, and after not haveing a period for 5 months I had a normal five day period.

Soon after he referred me to a fertility specialist we started seeing in Feb 09. To be honest, my DH and I were kind of excited to go see one because we were sure it would help us. So the RE did major work up on me and said that my tubes might be blocked and if they are not then they could just be spasming. I really did not know what to do but the RE said before we decide to look further into my issue, we should have DH checked. and boy let me tell you how wonderful that luck of mine is! DH has LSC.

To be honest my biggest fear was that he was sterile! So the RE said that because of his LSC, it would be pointless to waste insurance money on getting my tubes cleaned, in a sense and that our best bet was IVF. Where does my PCOS come in you ask??? Well please read on cause this still gets interesting.

So my RE decided to start me on fertility meds, Gonal F and, goodness I cannot remember the other one right now, but its a med that stops you from ovulating, so i was put on both these meds and the RE knew I had not even had a period for the last few months on my own except for the one with Provera. While on the meds I of course went for my routine ultrasounds and then woman who conducted them was in shock one day.

It was probably my third ultrasound on meds that she said,’wow, your follicles are booming!’ And i said is that a good thing? she replied that it could be and mean that I had lots of eggs inside them, or WAIT FOR IT……OR IT COULD BE BECAUSE OF MY PCO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was like WHAT!!!!! I knew it!!!!!! I knew it i knew it i knew it!!!!! I had even told her that I had been tested for it before and all my tests came back negative…she said whoever did my US probably did not know what the hell they were looking for because I have THE CLASSIC signs of PCOS just by looking at my ovaries and the RE even confirmed it by my bloodwork.

Which makes me wonder why they never even brought it up to me. The RE said they do IVF with PCOS women all the time and it should not be a problem and that she was confident I could get pregnant. So the entire time I had been seeing them I think they just assumed I knew I had PCOS and that is why I went to see them…low and behold I did not know, well at least not for sure bnut once they said I had it, I just kind of felt relieved that I had a reason for all of my symptoms.

So I continued my faith in my DR and some time after I had my first egg retrieval. Well there is my luck once again, I had 0 eggs! that is right people…a big fat 0. So obviously there was not embryo transfer. the doctor consulted the DH and I and asked if we wanted to go through another cycle and explained how we would do this one differently. They waited for period and then started me on Lupron and then added gonal f shortly after.

Through my next round of IVD we retrieved 8 eggs, and only fertilized 3. They did a day three transfer and 12 days later we got that BFN. Of course I was devastated and it took a lot of time to get over, but I still dont forget it. unfortunately we were pretty much done with IVF because our insurance for fertility ran out. I do not regret IVF, but I wish I knew then before we started it all, what I know now. I wish I knew for sure that I had PCOS before hand, I wish I knew all of my options, I wish I knew about Metformin before IVF. about a month went by and I continued my research on PCOS and found out about so many things that could help a woman…vitex, red raspberry leaf, nettle leaves, plus all the other natural supplements out there…and of course metformin. Which I did not learn about until after all of my treatments.

So i went back to my family dr and asked specifically for an insulin resistance test and of course he came back and said that everything was fine and I am not insulin resistant and that he cannot prescribe me met without the evidence. So I finally found a PCOS specialist, which is who I should have looked for from the beginning. but of course i do everything half ass backwards. The PCOS specialist I see is a fertility dr who specializes in PCOS.

And because my fertility insurance ran out, he agreed to see me under gynecology circumstances. And did all the work that I had already been through before but he confirmed I had PCOS through ultrasound and bloodwork and said that I am insulin resistant and that I also have an abnormal lipid panel. He then prescribed me Metformin ER 750mg two pills with dinner.

It is not February and I have been on Metformin since November 6, 2009 and I have gotten two consecutive periods. He might even add the clomid in a month to help me ovulate, even though we know it probably wont help us get pregnant because of the DH’s LSC. So even though I have only known about my PCOS for a short while, I sure have been through a lot with it. I know my story is long, but I hope you may find it worth reading. I dont think I have ever written my whole story but now I have. I do get depressed alot.

I have two sisters who both have children and the endless amount of friends and peers who are having children as well. And they just do not know what I am going through. They try to understand but they cant. I pretty much have given up hope. People even try to tell me about adoption, but that can be pretty expensive as well.

I always told myself I wanted to have children young. I dont know why, maybe it is because I have been with my husband since I was fourteen and he was sixteen. We were highschool sweethearts and we got married when I was 22 and he was 24. Now I am 25 and still no kids. People keep telling me I am young and not to worry but it is easier said than done. I could tell you I try not to think about it, but not a day goes by I dont think about it.

Whether I can get pregnant or not. I have given up hope. A lot of hope. I guess I still have 5 % in me but I dont tell anyone that I even have that much. I used to love talking to my sisters about my nieces and nephews…now I could honestly say I could care less. I do not want to hear about them getting the kids ready for school or the projects they are working on or the new outfits they just bought for them. I dont want to hear about any of it.

I know I should be happy for them but when your depressed because of something like this, other peoples children is really the last thing on my mind. I know I sound negative, but I also think that I think like this than someone else out there has to think like this too. I try not to dwell on it with my husband because I know it upsets him that I think like this. once in a while it comes up but like i said i try not to dwell on it.

Well If any of you have any stories you would like to share I will surly read them! and Thank you for reading mine.

Want to connect with me? My name is pcostly84 on the SoulCysters Message Board.

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