I thought maybe if I shared my story which is probably close to alot of the stories on here, That maybe it would allow me to connect with someone out there. So here it goes…
When I was 18 I started on Birth Control shortly after I was married. I knew being such a young newly wed that I didnt want kids right away. I wanted to go to college, get settled, learn a bit about married life. My periods were never regular. My Doctor said it would help me out to take them. My sisters laughed, Both of them are Fertile Mertel’s and got pregnant on BC. I had periods for the first 2 months I was on the pill. Then they stopped.
Worried I was pregnant, I went back to the Doctors, took a Pregnancy test and of course it was Negative. I did this every month for about 3 months, when finally the nurse asked me if I wanted to see the Doc again to figure out why my periods stopped, and I had gained about 40 pounds. It seems like I would buy clothes and the next day they wouldnt fit. I felt like I was gaining like 5 pounds a day. One day my husband found me crying on the bedroom floor. I had shred every bit of clothing that I could no longer wear.
I seen the Doc, and he did his little exam and told me myh Uterus had shrunk to the size of a golf ball. He had no idea why, and said that I would probably never have kids. That threw me in to an angry depression. I hated all these girls that were getting pregnant at the drop of a hat.
My brother in laws girlfriend too.. She use to drop the baby off so she could go out partying, then would show up the next day sometimes 2 to pick her little girl up. I couldnt figure out why I was being punished and not allowed to have a baby. When people like this who do not treasure them are allowed. I was very angry.
I learned to accept it, that is until I had a bad pap smear. Cancerous, I went to a specailist a OB/GYN. I was almost 20, I had no idea there was specialists out there. Dumb kid I was. This particular Doctor had moved here to Montana from Sweden. Yes a full blown swede. He was amazing. He did the little procedure I needed done to get rid of the cervical cancer. Then we talked about fertility pills.
I agreed to try it. For a year I took Clomid. He worked and supported me thru the ups and downs. After a year, I could not take the roller coaster ride anymore and quit. My husband and I moved out of state. Wanting to start over, to get a fresh leash on life. We have been in our new apartment for a month, when I felt a lump in my lower abdomen. I had been off fertility pills for about 6 months.
I hd my husband feel the lump. He became scared and packed the house up that night. Good thing we didnt own much back then. The next morning we got in to the car and headed home here to Montana.
I called my Swede, and he took me in right away the next morning. When I got to his office. I started crying, both of us fearing the worse. We talked a bit then went in to the exam room where he palpated my stomach. Smiled and said. You are either very pregnant or you have one hell of a tumor.
I told him the joke was not funny. That was the 22nd of December, The first day I heard my daughters heart beat. God had answered my prayers. Doc thought things would go back to normal now that I had a baby. But it didnt. I gained 80 pounds while pregnant. Ended up with PIH and Toxemia. Delivered a 8#8oz girl and gained 10 pounds after delivery. I cried….and went in to severe post partum depression.
After the birth is when all the pain started. I would get sharp stabbing pains that would send me to my knees. My Swede moved back to sweden and left me to find another Doc. The ones I went to chaulked the pains to cramps. How could I have cramps if I wasnt having a period. Where does the uterine lining go if I am not having periods. No one could anwer my questions.
Finally one day after working I had such severe pain I could not walk. I crawled my way in to the hospital where I worked. My doctor was on duty.. Lucky me. We did some tests, took a pregnancy test and did an ultra sound. My abdomen was full of cysts. He told me he had never seen anything like it before. I have a bunch of fluid in my pelvic cavity. He had no idea what it was from. He called a friend of his. A OB/GYN. who told him what tests to do.
And I was Diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Disease, that is what they called it years ago. I never thought anything of it. Ok so I had cysts. My Doc told me they would burst, and come and go. I had to deal with it. About 2years later, I again had a horrible bout of pain that lasted for days. I couldnt work I hurt so bad. My best bud, came to my house and took me to the hospital.
My pelvic cavity was again filled with cysts. But now, something else strange came up….. I had a fuid filled area behind my uterus that was bigger than my uterus. So my Doc, put me on antibiotics, told me I had lived with this long enough, and he hated to see me suffer anymore. He was going to schedule me for a Complete Hyst. Right then and there I started to cry. I wanted another baby.
It had been 7 years since the birth of my daughter. My husband told me everything would be ok, and that we should be thankful for the one baby we had. I agreed, but I still felt empty. Like I was not a complete woman. The same feelings I had when I was told I could not have kids.
3 days later, I went to see my Doctor again, I was ill from the antibiotics. I couldnt take it anymore. Could he give me something else. He looked at me and said. We did a pregnancy test right. I said yes a serum pregnancy test and it came up negative. He then said we would do another, and that my appointment for the surgery was in 2 days.
A friday so I would have the weekend to recoop with my husband and my daughter at my side. I told him I would be at work if anything came up.. Begged him to call me and left his office. I got off work the next morning, I was again hurting horribly. I got home and tried to call my Doc. He was out Duck hunting. How dare he I thought.
I am in pain and he is out playing. I was mad. My husband was mad. He got up, told me that was it we were going to the city to take care of this. He could not stand to see me in pain. I told him no. I wanted my Doc. SO I took some pain medicine, crawled in to bed, and after a few hours fell asleep.
At noon, my Doc’s nurse called.. SHe said Shell, I heard you called and were in quite a bit of pain. Yes I told her, and then I took some pain meds and went to bed. She said you did what… I repeated what I said. And she blurted out..Well you know you are pregnant dont you.
I bolted up in bed waking my husband and hollared at her that it was not funny. SHe said she was not joking and that My Doc wanted me to have an emergency ulta sound. That he thought the baby was Tubular. I started to cry, with my husband hounding me to tell him what was going on. When I told him I was pregnant, he thought it was great, until I told him they thought it was tubular.
We went right away to the Hospital for the ultra sound. The cysts that they had seen were totally gone. Unbeleivable the radiologist said. Had they all popped? Who knows. But there in the top of my uterus, was my second daughter. A medical myster is what my Doctor called it.
ANd I have my second beautiful daughter 8 years and 8 days after the first. Now I have 2 miricles. I deal with the pain of the cysts popping. Some days it is hard, and I hide so my girls cant see my crying from the pain. All 3 of them are now begging for a 3rd baby. It has been 5years since the Birth of my 2nd daughter.
I agreed to go back on fertility pills. I have just finished my 3rd month. I have to get my progesterone level checked on Monday. Takes 3 days to get the results. My chances of it working my Doctor tells me is slim to none. On top of PCOS, I also have endometriosis. That they found about a year and a half ago when they took out my gall bladder. I refuse to give up hope.
I refuse at this moment in time to have a Hyst. I want to the choice to be mine.
Last night I had about of pain while shopping with my girls. I felt like I had a knife stabbing and twisting and pulling. Like trying to get a boulder thru a pin hole. The first time in a long time my oldest daughter has seen me in pain.
I pray every day my girls will never have to go thru the things that I have. No one should have to.
I thought I was all alone. I have not met anyone in my town who has this syndrome. I am so glad that I found this web site….
Want to connect with me? My name is mts1wildangel on the SoulCysters Message Board.