Hi guys!!

My story is alot like many of yours, but i feel as if i need to write it to get it out my system. You see i am a very private person and nobody apart from my mum and sister no of my problems. I often feel isolated and feel i don’t have someone to talk to, so maybe this will help.

I am 18 years old and obese (in clinical terms). I was diagnosed at 17 i think, and even that was because of my mum. My mum was always mystified why i was so big for someone that ate the same as the rest of the family. Now don’t get me wrong i have been a big girl since around 13 and my mum always said how i need to loose weight. The more mum said it the more i switched off and the more i ate.

My mum felt that there was something wrong with me because at around 16-17 my periods just hardly never came, they were a rare occurance. My mum thought i should go to the doctors, but because most my dads family is on the large side i felt it was related.

As well as this i didn’t want to no there was something wrong with me. When my periods stopped i started getting worried that maybe i can’t have children. I know i am young to think about thinkgs like that but i no i want them eventually. The more i worried the more i ocd (obsessive compulsive disorder).

So eventually my mum and sister dragged me to the doctors. I told them my symptoms: over weight, really bad facial hair (which is very noticeable), no periods, a deepish voice and i have dark skin patches (which i didn’t no were associated).

The doctor sent me for a blood test and an ultrascan. I remember being nervous because i wanted to be normal but i also wanted a reason for why i was so over wieght. I got the results that i have pcos. I felt sad but slightly relieved it was diagnosed.

I often feel sad and get frustrated and cry, because my mum and my sis are both so slim (size 8) and beautiful. They eat what ever they want and put hardly no weight. I look at food and put on pounds. (at times they moan about there wow figures, which annoys me cos at least they don’t look like me).

I guess i often feel ugly because i look butch, i sound like a man and my beard is longer than my dads at times. That been said i have started IPL (which is a laser treatment that helps). The hair is going but i think it is just a bit slower than i would like, i did try electrolysis before that but it was too painful for hardly no results.

I have started exercising and im loosing weight extremely slowly i have lost 11lbs in 8 weeks. I have recently also started met (which im not sur if it has helped as it has only been a week) because i am also insulin resistant.

I think that pcos makes me feel weak and vulnerable. I often have mood swings and go through phrases where i don’t talk to my family or am snappy. (i sound like a horrible person at the moment :S) But i spend so much time trying to seem happy in the outside world that i need time at home to just be what i feel. I tend not to go out much becuase of my low self esteem.

Instead i live my life throught my sister (i help her dress up for when she goes out, often in clothes i would where) sounds a bit sad i no. But i hope in time i can loose weight and be happy. In my head it feels that my life will only start when i have lost a good 5 stones and that loosing weight will make me happier. i no it might not but it gives me hope because deep down i am a people person, But becasue of the way i look i guess i just don’t feel social.

Thank you for listening and reading this. I think it helps me to no other people have my problems and im sorry this is not a happier or motivating thread. I will send a happier one soon (i am sorry )

Want to connect with me? My name is smiley 09 on the SoulCysters Message Board.