I never linked my infertility and PCOS together. For years I was aware that I had PCOS but ignorantly thought it just had to do with hormones and lack of menstruals. I never confronted it and at times, pushed my health aside not wanting to deal with it.

When I was 13 I was sexually assaulted by 2 men and 2 outcomes from that was discovering pre-cancerous cells and being pregnant. I proceeded to have the child and to have cryotherapy. Cryotherapy being freezing of these cancerous cells was not successful. So they proceeded to cut them out using the cone method…Ever since all of this I would have roughly had to have 72 being as though I am 20, I have had 3 or 4.

From then on it was one doctors office to another. I didn’t get the diagnosis of PCOS to about 18. Since my daughter had passed away when she 2, I had a new desire to have children and forgot about my medical issues. I know, how could I forget? Evidently they are linked. The truth is I had became so obsessed with trying to have children the old fashion way and every failure just hit that much harder. Being as though I am married and I have been trying for a child for 4 years, it takes a emotional toll on me. This is my third marriage. My first husband I was married to for 2 years and my second for 1 year. So to know that after all of this and no child.. it trys to overtake me….

Luckily I have a supportive husband now that wants to get to the bottom of this. He is so optimistic somtimes it frustrates me…Being as though my husband has more than one wife and she has 3 children, it brings the reality that I dont have children that much more closer to me. Her children are beautiful and to see my husband with them is heartbreaking…..Relieving in a way, cause I know he would be a great father.

I hope that they continue to have beautiful children but deep down inside, it will continue to hurt me. Its just like, wow, shes popping them out and what am I doing. There is no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me, but not being able to get pregnant and to be Ok with it is somthing I dont think I will ever achieve. I guess I think one day my husband will resent me due to some reasoning of our marriage….

So now that I am seeking medical attention, I hope to get this resolved and finally have a child/children….Just 1 would be great, if possible……I’m not trying to be greedy……..Im trying to deal with it better and not beat myself up about it. I am about to start trying to loose weight for myself and also to see if that works being as though I read many stories like that.

The complications of PCOS are crazy…..I have crazy acne, facial hair, hair on my stomache in patches…..I am bigger than I have ever been…sometimes i feel like I have no energy….

There are so many mental and emotional damage that can be done due to this illness. I am trying to overcome and defeat it.

Want to connect with me? My name is muslimahhavePCOS2 on the SoulCysters Message Board.